This cartoon has been making the rounds in Black trans feminine world probably because it has struck a nerve to the point it motivated me to write this post about relationships.
Far too often we have some trans attracted men who wish to date us, but only if we keep it a secret. Many are too scared to live in their truth about declaring their desire to openly date trans women without judgment from society. Some demand relationship secrecy out of concern for their own egos, concerns about what other cisgender women or their homies will say, or fear they will have their manhood questioned for openly dating us.
That social and political shaming of cis men who date trans women is a factor in what is killing us.
So hear me on this fellas and my trans sisters. Time for a new game plan. If you can’t or won’t publicly date me or my trans sisters, don’t need your cowardly behind. We’ll go to someone else who ain’t ‘scurred’ to unapologetically date us and is ready to do so.
We Black trans women want to be taken out during daylight and early evening hours to public places. We wish to be occasionally spoiled and treated like the regal queens we are.
And if the relationship progresses to another level, we wish to be proudly introduced by you as your girlfriend to your family and friends.
We are not your secret lovers, hit it and quit it sloppy seconds, your punching bags because life is frakking with you or your after 2 AM booty call. We are women of quality and substance who scratch, fight and claw with every fiber of our being daily to be recognized by society as the women we know we are.
We are women who know they deserve better in relationships and aren’t afraid to demand our suitors meet or exceed those high LTR standards.
Being in a relationship with a Black trans woman requires you to step your relationship game up. The world at times is unrelentingly cruel to us, and there are days we just need a hug, an empathetic ear, chocolate, an “I love you” whispered into our ear as were cuddling or all of the above.
We need you to be a best friend and a lover.
If you can’t handle the challenge of loving a Black trans woman, then step. If you can, like the Marines, we’re looking for a few good men, be they cis or trans.
Black trans women are their unapologetic selves 24-7-365, and 366 days in a leap year. We need LTR partners who not only recognize that, but are confident and secure in their own personhood to do the same.