Gay Men Just Don’t Understand Transwomen

Guest post by Pamela Hayes

Janet
Mock crafted a well-written article about how Don Lemon, a black gay
man, a CNN correspondent had no grasp of trans people because of dumb
questions he asked Chaz Bono. And she is absolutely correct. Don’s
questions were stupid, juvenile and cursory. But I doubt if he meant a
bit of harm. From my experience, a lot of gay men usually don’t get us.
Gay men, like many straight-identified people
think trans women are simply gay men, who refuse to accept that they
are gay. So we take hormones and “mutilate” ourselves to mimic women
and buy vaginas to justify having sex with a man. And some gay men go
positively bonkers when they see trans women with handsome, worthwhile
men.

I remember reading where southern writer, William Faulkner–
author of such short stories as A ROSE FOR EMILY, DRY SEPTEMBER, to name
a few–said that it was the responsibility of white people to bring
black people along, to teach Negroes the importance of manners and
education so they could comport themselves effectively and prosper in a
democratic society. I don’t know when Faulkner uttered these bothersome
words because many (blacks) had no chance of prospering or receiving
adequate education prior to the Civil Rights struggle.

But I digress.
Trans women should take Mr. Faulkner’s advice and tweak it to meet our
needs. We have to bring gay people along, let them know who we are, our
likes and dislikes, our dreams, hopes and aspirations. And make no
mistake some gay folks will be impervious to our tutelage.

And in all
candor, I doubt if that would be fruitful because the sad truth is, SOME
gay people don’t give a damn about trans people for a variety of
reasons, one of which is envy.

Over the years, I’ve heard countless gay
men tell me that they wouldn’t do what I did (switch sexes) because they
would make an ugly woman. What an incredibly shallow comment.

I and
other trans women have had gay men fight us, out us, embarrass us,
disrespect us and I’ve gotten negativity from lesbians as well. So
trans women cannot bring those types along because they are unwilling
to learn, but I still say try. And it’s unfortunate that gays and
lesbians don’t believe in the old adage about there being strength in
numbers. If we all worked together, we could accomplish plenty.

1 thought on “Gay Men Just Don’t Understand Transwomen”

  1. I think there needs ro be much more dialogue between the various groups lumped together under the LGBTQI banner. Thanks for your post.

Comments are closed.

Scroll to Top